Reviews and Interviews
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Consolation, hope, and even joy
By Katie Matthews, journalist. 6 April 2004
Living with Leo is a wise, profound, moving, and, strange as it may seem, ultimately joyful book. I hope that it won’t only be bereaved parents who read it, for it speaks to anyone who has ever loved and lost.
But Living with Leo is especially meaningful for those who have lost a child. The awfulness of grief; the anger and bewilderment that goes with it; the sense of isolation, even madness - Mario Di Clemente writes about them all in a way that will touch any bereaved parent.
As well as the twelve letters written by Mario to his son, Leo, at monthly intervals up to his first birthday, there are chapters on Marianne’s pregnancy, Leo’s birth, death and funeral, the support Mario and Marianne received, and a chapter by Marianne for her son.
It is not an easy read, for it brings back memories of the darkest and hardest times. "What’s wrong with him?", demands Marianne at the moment Leo is born and doesn’t cry. It took me back to my own son’s birth and the sheer panic and terror of that silent moment. But in a way, no bereaved parent wants to forget a second of their child’s short life, for those few memories are all we have, so recalling once again even the most painful times is strangely precious.
"Nothing is trivial in the harrowing process of losing a newborn baby", Mario writes, and there are many emotions and experiences in Living with Leo that bereaved parents will recognise, and take comfort in knowing that they are not alone in feeling.
The despair: "... it’s so hard, and try as I might I still seem to be struggling to live with my grief, wondering whether it can get any worse and whether I can cope with it for what could easily be another forty years."
The bizarreness of being able to - often having to - carry on as normal, and the guilt that accompanies it: "Sometimes I catch myself laughing and joking with work colleagues and feel as though I am letting my little boy down."
The "kind of quiet anger" that leaves you "virtually speechless".
And above all, perhaps, "the thrill" when somebody asks about your baby, and you have the chance to tell them of your beautiful, perfect child.
Living with Leo is about healing and joy, too, for it charts a course through grief and despair, and shows that it is possible not only to survive the most devastating loss, but to do so with dignity, hope, and ultimately, a greater understanding of the value of life, and your lost child’s life in particular:
"For a parent to outlive their child is not only unnatural ... it is ... the most painful of experiences, putting into perspective so many of life’s difficulties and disappointments. How utterly trivial they seem in comparison."
"Sometimes when I look back at Leo’s life, I am filled with an overwhelming hope that he might somehow know what effect he had ... to make one small group of people fully aware that life is fragile and that family and friends are forever, whatever problems and setbacks may arise."
Parents who lose a child are courageous, although it doesn’t often seem like that. We are brave because we have no choice, or rather, because the only other choice is to give up and "live a life of misery and sadness". Living with Leo reflects that courage, and pays tribute to both bereaved parents and their beloved children.
Whether you have recently lost a baby or were bereaved long ago; whether you are a bereaved parent yourself or close to someone whose baby has died, Living with Leo will give you consolation, hope, and perhaps even a sense of joy.
'Forever with us'
Jun 2 2004
By Mandy Little, Bexley Mercury
BABY Leo lived for 31 hours but the impact he had on the lives of his family and their friends means his presence will be with them forever.
Poignant letters from a devastated dad to his baby boy, who died shortly after birth, have been published in a book for the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Societies (SANDS) awareness week.
The charity SANDS offers support for parents and families whose baby is stillborn or dies soon after birth. The awareness week runs from June 5 to 13.
Mario Di Clemente, 40, of Beckenham, who received support from the Lewisham branch of SANDS, has written an intensely personal account of his feelings which will strike a chord with any parent who has had to bear such a terrible loss.
The book Living with Leo charts a year in the life of Mario and his wife Marianne, 37, after their first child Leonardo Gino Di Clemente, died.
Born on January 27, 2003, he died the following day from breathing problems.
Mario, a vice principal of a sixth form college in Kensington, said: "The shock of losing a child is not easy to live with. I had all this unused fathering to do so I began writing a letter to Leo once a month and it spiralled into a record of our life."
Director of SANDS Neal Long said: "Beautifully and sensitively written, Living with Leo voices many of the feelings and thoughts that bereaved fathers experience but which are so often neither acknowledged nor expressed."
He added it was a wonderful book which also illustrated how couples can work through their feelings.
Mario has received letters from around the country from people who have been able to draw comfort from the book and wanted to give something back to SANDS.
Luciano Di Clemente, the couple's second son, was born on January 29, 2004.
A special Living with Leo network conference day is due to be held on Tuesday, June 8, at SANDS' head office, 28 Portland Place in central London.
Mario will be a guest speaker on the day which will focus on the different experiences and perspectives of bereaved parents, family members, friends and health professionals affected by a baby's death.
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